I wasn't feeling good, I had lots of mood swings and after some tries to ignore all this situation, I decided that it was better to step back a little, take a break and take care of myself!For about a month now, since the beginning of May, I try to write a post about all those mixed feelings inside me but without much luck!I wanted to be the first post after my break, in order to explain to you where I went all this time!Guess what though?Funny enough, seems like life catching up with us, things change and our thoughts and feelings follow along....
Since I remember myself I liked changes or to state it better I was scared of the idea that I will wake up every day doing the same things!I get bored quite easily and it's hard to keep my attention in one thing for really long time!In that case, i will probably leave and find something else, brand new to spend my time until it will get old as well!
With that being said, for the last 5 years, my life was pretty stable!I studied at University of the little city where I grew up, worked in the same job all those years and was in a relationship!I try to remember how I felt all those years but I can't!I guess I didn't mind!I decided that I needed a distraction from a previous break up and I was looking for something to fill every hour of my day in order to stop thinking about it!
Nobody could imagine me working especially in that specific place!Trust me, if you knew me at my 19 years old, you would have the same opinion!I did it though, without ask or talk about it with anyone, get in the shop and just got the job!I'm laughing right now as I'm thinking about that day!It was obvious that I didn't have an idea of working in general and didn't meet any of the requirements!I had some fun times there, I learned a lot, I changed, got more mature!It was also tough, lot's of crying happened, got more self-conscious and anxious!
Exactly the same period of time, I get into a new relationship!I wanted to be pretty clear that I left the previous "relationship" behind!Side note: Don't do it, guys!!This is so not the right way ti deal with a breakup!Neither is much of a help nor works as fast as I thought as a solution!!
It wasn't a big love story or a fairytale!I knew it since the beginning and that was okay because sometimes love grew during the relationship!I have to admit that he helped me a lot!I was broke and lost back then and he slowly helped me to stand on my feet again (by the way he knew the reasons and the whole previous situation)!He was caring and offered me an emotional safety which I needed so much at that time!Thinking about it now from a distance, I think that as the relationship kept going we grew apart!We started having different wants and needs and probably that was the reason
behind all the arguments!
Probably you wonder by now why I even tell you all those things...
My point is that changes are scary at the time they are happening but maybe they are necessary in order something better come in our lives...
Exactly a year ago I quit the job that I mentioned above and some days ago my relationship came to an end!Within just a year, which is not that much of a time, I feel like my life turned upside down!For the past couple of years, my life consisted pretty much of this jb and relationship and now both of them are gone!
If you asked me before, I couldn't imagine that this day would ever come...
Even though I wasn't fully happy in both of those situations it was so hard for me to just walk away!It was a part of me and preferred to keep working in order to fix them instead of end them!I guess caught up so much in this reality and couldn't picture myself doing anything different!
As I'm getting older I think goodbyes getting harder but on the other side more permanent as well!In the past, I admit that a lot of times I considered to go back somewhere where they didn't treat me right!Now, it may take me longer to say enough is enough but when I do better don't hold your breath to see me coming back!
I'm not gonna lie or pretend that right now everything is all smiles and sunshines, some days are harder than others!It's true though what they said...time is the best doctor and eventually heal everything!I feel kind of empty, lost and sadness here and there, especially when it comes to the relationship, but I don't regret that things end up this way!Those people, both those who I worked with and that guy came in my life when I really needed them!They gave me some tough times and even some tears but looking back now I can tell you for sure that they helped me for sure realized who I am and get a more clear idea of what I really want!!
I have moments where I feel unsure and so not confident about the future but at the same time I'm excited to see what next months or years hold for me and of course, share everything with you!I'm sure that I will be okay...and so do you...
This post ended up huge, isn't it?!
I really hope that you made it until this point but even if you just skip it though the end I would like to keep in mind this...Things happen for a reason, same with the changes, big or small!They drag us out of our comfort zones again and improve us as persons!Sometimes they even push us closer to our goals and dreams...
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